My B.A.H.

Every couple of months or so a burst of activity from my solicitor reminds me of events that now seem years ago.  Sometimes I read descriptions and accounts as though it happened to somebody else.  And yet while listening to a Tony Hancock comedy radio show yesterday about hospital visiting, I found myself brushing away tears at the thought of my dedicated husband and how bloody amazing he is.

As I write this, he is on the motorway driving 450 miles to spend the weekend at home with me.  This one wasn't planned until last weekend when I phoned him in a panic because I was worried about the bees, at which point it seemed a really good idea for him to come home.  I can't wait for the day he is maybe 'only' 250 miles away - 4 hours - easy weekend visiting distance. He is now actively looking for a job closer to home, please keep everything crossed for him...

My B.A.H.

Of course Django is accompanying him, so I'm looking forward to some walks and some cuddles (for both of them!)

Feminism? well, I don't think so

This morning I read about an all-girl crew competing in the Sydney-Hobart yacht race in December. This one of the tough racing classics and there is certainly nothing idle about taking part.

I have odd feelings about women and sailing, specifically yacht racing (being one who has done it on and off over the last 25 years).  For years women in sailing have been fighting to be recognised alongside men, but now that there are far more girls and women taking part (I don't know any actual statistics, but anyone in sailing will vouch for it), I keep hearing about 'women only' events, all-girl crews etc. and it makes me feel rather uncomfortable.

Apart from the fact that I can't think of anything worse that spending extended periods of time with just women, what are they trying to prove?  Any intelligent person knows that women are as capable as men at some things, better than them at some things, and not as good as them at some things.  On a boat this might mean that where women lack brawn, we may be better at multi tasking eg. with 5 bits of rope to pull at the same time, or noticing something that's about to go wrong. We're different, it's evolution, get used to it.  Personally I would much rather sail on a mixed crew.

Why, after all the years of seeking equality in yacht racing, do women go out on their own and make a big deal of it?   I can just imagine the uproar if somebody decided to hold a 'men only' sailing event....!!  An acquaintance of mine organises a women only regatta, and nothing would make me take part in it.  I admire her for the hard work that goes into it etc., it's just the whole 'women only' thing that goes against the grain for me.

So, going back to this All-Girl Crew (that's what they imaginatively call themselves), they are doing the race all in the good cause of ovarian cancer awareness which is fine. But I really wish they hadn't used the words 'sisterhood' and 'unbreakable bond' on their website.   It made me feel a bit ick, to be honest.  And don't even ask my opinion on the front page picture.

Library run

Today's library books..

Ian Rankin - Fleshmarket Close (recommended reading for my next course)

Derek Raymond - He Died with His Eyes Open (trying out a different crime author)

Alexander Pushkin - The Queen of Spades and other stories (I like to educate myself with classics)

Carol Ann Lee - One of Your Own, The Life and Death of Myra Hindley

Seething in the shower

I have been seething in the shower, about various things.

About my ex-brother-in-law who is borderline-something, and takes it out on people I love.

About people who complain that the fact they live in this beautiful place is awful because of the tourists and the house prices.   Do they not realise that the tourists keep it alive?   And that they do have a choice to move elsewhere?   Hey, move somewhere cheaper and ugly and unpleasant, would you be happy then?  Cake and Eating It springs to mind.

About people who say they have no choice. Everyone has choices.  There may be things or particular circumstances that we have had no control over, but we all have a choice as to how we handle them, or react to them (are we back to 'change what you can change, accept what you can't'?).  

I could say that I have no choice about staying in my job because I need my salary to pay the mortgage. But I could re-mortgage and halve my monthly payments and get a lower paid job, if I chose to.

Yesterday I castigated myself for mentioning something that then provoked comments that annoyed me.  Should I just keep my mouth shut today? or should I purposely provoke 'discussion' and risk my blood pressure?

Got the Blues...

I've not had a good day and a half..  Today I had an afternoon of lachyrmation* and felt just generally miserable.

Partly this is because I am desperately missing Mr H, and I know that he's been missing home. Somehow knowing we are both lonely makes it worse.. I even looked at flights today, for this weekend, but they were far too expensive at this late stage.

I've been trying to reduce my dihydrocodeine (again) because I feel as though that's what I should be doing, although no-one (ie. doctor or consultant) has suggested or requested it.  Over the weekend when I was away, I accidentally ended up on just one a day on the days I should have been having two; and coupled with tiring myself out driving about 250 miles it's knocked me for six, and it came to a head this afternoon.  My leg's been aching much more as well, maybe those tablets are still required to do a job.

I was supposed to be going to my parents' for supper tonight as my sister was visiting, but I knew that it would make me feel worse not better, so I cancelled. I'll see them at the weekend instead.  It's a shame that once one reaches adulthood, parents are so often *not* the best people to cheer up a depressed mood, not in the same way that friends can.

My self-treatment consisted of a large portion of chips from the fish 'n' chip shop (it was a 'small' portion, heaven knows what size the 'large' portions are!) with tomato ketchup.  

Now what I need is an early night and good sleep.....



*the medical or literary term for shedding of tears

A thought

What is normality?
Merely what has gone before.
It can change at the flick of a switch,
Or by barely noticeable mutations,
Until it is no longer recognisable.
What is normality?
It is ourselves.
It is our lives.

But take a look from the other side of the road.
Is it normal now?

Time for a change

For the last 2... 3... 4...?  lost count years I've been colouring my hair a bold Red Passion or similar.   This time I decided I fancied a change and have gone for Berry Red which is a much darker brown with red tones.  (those of you on my facebook already know this!).

I now have to think differently about what clothes I wear, because they look different!  I'd say that it affects make up too, but I don't wear more than mascara most days anyway.

It is certainly true (probably more for women) that how you hair looks affects your mood - I feel like a new person this morning!

Somnambulism

Somnambulism - or sleep-walking to most of us - is something I have dabbled in over the years.

I was just about to say what my limitations of sleep-walking are, but when Mr H isn't here to tell me, how do I know where I go or what I do, as long as I wake up back in my bed?   That's a strange thought.

So, to my knowledge, I have never been outside the house.  Mostly I end up somewhere in the bedroom, trying to work out where I am and then gradually waking up and realising that it is my bedroom and not a dungeon or scary place I'm trying to escape from, as happened last night.  A non-wandering variety is also worrying who the hell the scary person is in my bed until I realise it is my husband! Once I decided to carry the duvet into the corner of the bedroom (much to Mr H's amusement).

The furthest I have been, to my knowledge, is downstairs, switched off the house alarm, re-set it and went back to bed.  I have no recollection of this but in the morning Mr H asked me about it.  When he first went to Scotland I worried that I would sleepwalk and fall downstairs with no-one here to know.  But having read a bit more about somnambulism I don't think I'm any more likely to do that than when I'm awake.

Somnambulism can be used as a defence for murder, and there have been several well known cases (I won't tell you about them, Google it!).    Hopefully I am not doing anything untoward in my sleep, or going off for trips in the car that I don't know about, but maybe that's another reason to set the house alarm overnight!

Lightweight

Here I am, at 8.27pm, already in my pyjamas sitting on my bed in my room in the RORC Clubhouse.  It's been a long day (by my standards) so I've left the boss and my other colleague and retreated for Bed and Book.  I've always been a lightweight when it comes to staying up late, and today I will savour a couple of hours of Me Time before sleep.

It would be super quiet, were it not in London. Despite being in a dead end street there is traffic, bin men, general rattling and banging and engines running; but it's far too warm to close the window.  For one night I will soak up the sounds of the city and tomorrow I will return to my country noises.... such as birds, and boy-racers tearing up the street at midnight in their souped up Subarus.

Recovering from a Buzzy weekend

I'm too tired to think of a clever-sounding blog post today, so I will instead treat you to some photos from my lovely weekend with Mr H. We spent most of it playing with bees, it's so good to feel enthusiastic about them again after a few disappointing years.

Here are the newly purchased Maisemore bees being transferred into their new home.

And for contrast, here are the Wild Woodside bees, undergoing serious surgery to try and get them into a useable hive.  After our last attempt when Mr H got stung rather a lot, they were remarkably calm this time, which was a) very surprising and b) a relief!

Much of the rest of the weekend we spent fixing up and sorting out all our hive bits, which has needed doing for a few years so that was good. We also spent an afternoon at a local Beer & Cider Festival, mainly because friends of ours were playing live so we went to hear them.  I was driving so Mr H managed to sample 4 pints of local ale, but was still good enough to cook me my favourite meal in the evening!

Finally, here is Spot all ready for his trip back North...  he's in the van as soon as he sees it open and being packed, just in case he misses out on anything!